apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
