I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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