Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
