i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
