I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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