I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
