booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
COCAINE IS GR8
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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