Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
