I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
