He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
