Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
honey bunches of taint.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
