Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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