now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
