How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
