it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
