He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she told me i tasted like america
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I stole a fireplace last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
