Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
