Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
