If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
