so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
