i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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