I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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