He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
