Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
