you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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