I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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