That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
