Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize