pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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