Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
