In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
