could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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