I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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