also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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