on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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