sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it penis luge time yet?
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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