By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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