The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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