I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
