The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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