Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
