dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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