I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
