Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
