So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
