I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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