Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
