Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
