I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
