I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just threw up on my dentist
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
