This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
