i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
farters have to be the big spoon...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
