You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
