Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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