Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
