wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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