..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
