my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
