she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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