I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
